Two of my normal flatmates are moving out because of the crazy flatmate. I’m being left with the crazy flatmate! We’re interviewing for new flatmates and it’s essential that I get two normal ones. Any more crazies would make things unbearable and probably result in one of us being evicted. But anyone can seem normal over a short interview. How do you rumble them?
I started by asking a series of normal questions. Where are you from? What do you do? But these elicited normal answers. I cranked it up further. “What unusual hobbies do you have?” I asked. She eventually said “running”. “That isn’t unusual!” I cried and promptly kicked her out. I couldn’t live with someone who considers such a normal activity unusual.
The next person seemed normal until I mentioned that the landlord does a criminal records check. He promptly made his excuses and left. I asked the next person what was their favourite type of bean. She answered “runner” instantly. No one should be able to answer such a strange question so quickly. Weirdo. I kicked her out immediately. I did give her a packet of runner beans for the journey home so she was happy enough.
My flatmates were looking at me strangely, almost as though I was the strange one. I realised that I was repeatedly hitting the kettle with a teaspoon without realising. Perhaps I was the strange one all along. Could it be? Surely not? There was a knock at the door, and I decided that I would make sure I was absolutely normal with this person.
I let him in and opened my mouth to introduce myself, but instead of saying my name, a high-pitched, whale noise came out of my mouth. I didn’t beat myself up about it, it’s happened to us all. I decided not to speak again in case I made more whale noises by mistake.
I silently handed over a pineapple and bowed to apologise. The man seemed uncomfortable and left.
The search for a normal flatmate goes on.
Written by Martin Stocks | @Stocks1986